lots of things to say

Its 4:7 am and he is sitting on the porch, putting on his boots to go. I can hear him singing an old song. Now I can hear his footsteps from the yard….soon enough he will be gone. Oh I can predict how he is gonna spend his day. He would serve in the army in a garrison170 km far from here, from 7 am up to 1 pm. Then he would return…it takes him 3 hours to reach our city. And he’d go straight to his own workshop for he has to make the orders ready for the end of the month. Then around 8 o’clock, he would come home tired but would try to look all vibrant and fresh to me. Well, he can’t be up much because he has to wake up at 3:30 am to go

Well , these things don’t often seem problems to me. I mostly take them as God’s tests or ups and downs of life which every one has got. I know I can bear up with the situation with His help. But sometimes, like now, I get tired, I get fed up of everything, and then I feel like I wanna shout and say” I don’t want him to go. I can’t bear it when he doesn’t get much sleep at nights. I don’t want to see him working so hard for our life. I hate it when he still has to fritter away another14 months of his life while he can work on his molds and design more of them.” God I do wanna shout all these…but what use? Nothing would change a bit. Every morning at 3.30 I would still open my eyes with the signal of his mobile alarm and see him getting ready. I would still see his sleepy face and wish he hadn’t had to go. I would still hear his footsteps and I would…. I see all these and yet I have to keep my frustrations in my heart and never dare to release them for I want him to think that I’m all happy. I don’t know maybe I am really happy. Maybe it’s just the exams pressure on me. Maybe it’s just a little frustration which will go away soon. Or maybe its just because we don’t have much time for each other, maybe its just because its been so long that I want to go out with him like shopping or to cinema but he just doesn’t have time to scratch his head. I really don’t know. I just know I don’t want him to go  

Anyway….oh by the way I have some bad news

The Literary criticism examè was taken on Sunday. Although I studied enough, I really****ed up. I know there is a high possibility of failing this course. Well it happens when your teacher has a high tendency to raise questions out of the examples of the book, some thing which you never memorize word by word. Oh I’m cranky enough about that

The research paperè it was finally finished and

delivered to the teacher. Anyway, it took hell of our time

The literary schoolsè it was not bad. But I could have done better when I studied it twice… I think I’m getting stupid these days. My brain is not working the way it used to. My memory is failing I guess

coming examsè the teaching methodology is on Sunday. There is also a project for that which I haven’t started yet. And the novel is on Tuesday… so embarrassing that I have read 167 pages out of 502. Have I bored you

Really really cranky narcis

Jan 10