to vent my frustrations

I'm angry. I'm fed up of this life I'm living. Nothing is going to my way. Every time I want something I have to see whether people agree or not, whether they allow me or not. Ah ah ah, screw this life, I hate it. When it comes to theatre the whole world want me to stop and go no further, talk no more. When it comes to **** God doesn’t want to give it to me. When it comes to having an ordinary marriage, I have to tolerate every thing and bear up with thousands of difficult situations hubby is making for me (not on purpose of course). It's been almost 5 years that we are together and not a single day I have spent without stress. What is it God? How long I have to go on like this? How long you are going to give me miseries and want me thank you for that????!!!! Our 3 years of engagement was all separation. He was studying at universities of Mashhad and Yazd (you couldn’t send him farther, right?). And now this never-ending serving of army and loss of everything is making me suffer every single moment of everyday. Don’t I have a right to breathe in this world you said you created for mankind???? Don't I have the right to decide which way to go and what to do for my life? What is my problem? You know too well what my problem is. Yes, yes I'm still a baby who cries for the things she can't get. Yes I'm angry that hubby didn't let me go with my friends. They have booked for flight and hotel and everything and they are going to have fun and I'm gonna sit here and spend every single moment of every day of this life of misery with loneliness! You love doing this to me right? I know you enjoy doing it to me. I have a good mind to make a ruin out of this house to show you how I hate you all, to tell you how you all are so cruel and selfish. Yes, yes you are cruel too. Oh please don’t call yourself kind or whatever. I know who you really are. I know how you torment you slaves and want them to thank you for that. Leave me alone, I'm much better off without you!

I'm nobody

April 18^th