May 17th, Thursday, 11 pm:
I'm still at home!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I can't tell you how I hate hubby now!!
I hate him with all my heart!!
You see, it's men's natureè you give yourself to him with all your heart and he thinks once he wins you , you are his poppet that can be moved around easily, you are his, your destiny is in his hands, your every being is depended on one single breath of his!!!!! And once you're his, you are not yours any more!!!
I hate him!
I'm so mad at him that I can stab him with a knife a thousand times!!!
Him: "what? The "hana bandan" party and wedding are both in Sari?? I can't take you there, I have work tonight and also tomorrow…no, you can't go by yourself…ok you can go tonight, but not tomorrow"
Me: "I'll go to none, happy now??"
Some minutes later……………..me -> locked my self in the bath room, I cried my eyes out.
I can't believe it. I was all ready to go to the wedding. I even had my new shoes on. I bought a new scarf and lots of other stuff for tonight. I can't believe it happened again. How long I'm gonna take it?!
Lord, are you with men????? Aren't you with us????
Lord, I need some joy, I swear I need it. How is it possible that a husband can have absolutely no understanding of his lonely wife??!!
I'm going crazy here
May 18th, Friday afternoon, 3:10:
I didn't go today either. Mom called several times: "your friend expects you in her wedding; your husband didn't mean that you shouldn't go at all…come on sweaty…… "
Me: "I can't go mom, I don't have the mood or the energy to get out of this bed…he knows too well how to destroy happiness in me, or how to spoil every single joy I love to have………"
Mom: "forget about him, call a taxi and go to the wedding today"
Me: "I can't go, mom".
My face is so puffy, mom, I cried a lot last night, how can I tell you this?
Narcis
Its 2 am, I reallyyyy need to sleep now. Mahsa(my university close friend) is here sleeping on bed, hubby is snoring in hall(he doesn’t really snore, poor baby), and I'm still up checking my mails while I have a long day tomorrowK.
It's finally the weekend and also my friend's wedding tomorrow (actually today, after all its 2 am!)JJ.
I have a lot to write in here, but I know if I start writing, I'll be done at 4 am with at least 8 pages of written(or typed) mumbo jumbo. So I'd rather to go and get some rest. I promise to write them later (I'm not sure if I don’t break my promise). So "Good night, good night! Parting is such a sweet sorrow, that I shall say good night till it be morrow"(
Narcis
May 17th
Friday morning
The weather has been so great. I have been a good responsible wife for A week; I feel good about it. ààà I sleep at 11 pm at night, wake up at 8 am, do my housework, play music, dance(if I have classes at UNI, then no music and dance!!!), cook, don't study, do the housework, music, dance, housework, music,…, hubby comes home from Gorgan around 5 pm, we have our lunch(??!!), hubby goes to work, I go to the yard, watch my flowers, water them, in my room again there is music, make dinner, TV, dinner, nighty-night. THE END…
So it is me these daysJ…………..ill be back (I can't miss this music (without dance))…..volume uuuuuuuuuppp
Ok…J… It's a classmate's wedding this coming weekend… imagine the whole class is invited!! I guess they are gonna hold it in a big garden. That’s gonna be just wow.
I want to present a lecture on KHalil Gibran's "The Prophet" on Monday in Translation of Islamic Text class but I'm not ready for it yet. I have searched a lot on net but I have found no good articles on the subject =>the more I search the less I getL.
This is the last term and I, worse than ever, have no mood for studies. I skip most of my classes, and when I do attend them I'm unprepared!!
Ok I Gotta go, mommy and I are going to a local bazaar.
Narcis
May 11
A couple of days ago Maryam (The Best Excuse) invited me to a blog game and asked me to write about the things I was afraid of as a kid.
Well, although, as kid, there might had been a lot of frightening things to me, but now that I look through them, only two of them seem to be different from what other kids might be afraid of. So here are my major fears as a kid:
1-I've been always afraid of water or better say to get drowned in the water! And it was worse when I was a kid. I remember I would never allow my face to be in the shower or I wouldn't be able to breathe! That was the reason why I could never learn swimming. So in the pool, I would just stay where the water is shallow. And when I went to sea, I would always be sitting or standing on the shoreline, where the waves could only touch my feet. I don’t know where this fear was originated from, but I know that I have had this fear since the very early years of my life. You may want to know that, the worst nightmares of my life were the ones I was drowning and, as a kid, my only prayer would be: "Lord, please never let me die in the water!"
2- Well, this one I'm going to tell you was a very high second fear of my life when I was a kid. As you know, daddy was killed in the war, so naturally I was afraid if mom got married!! I was afraid to have a step dad who would beat mommy up or take her away from me and my brother. So I would always hate my brother's idea about "mom bringing us a dad" and I would say: "we already have a father, understand!!" Well, fortunately this fear went away by mom's marriage to the best man on earth.
Now I invite Ali (my whispers), The Gray Man, Mehrgan, My cool fellow citizens, Sahar, Ali (jokes and...) to join and continue the game.
Narcis
May 6th
Nothing special…feeling sick, sleep all day and night, I can't make it out of bed.
Friends came back from
Haven' done anything special for the past couple of days. I was sick!
I don't expect anyone to leave comments here!!
Guess I badly need some English pen pal!
And ummmm…
I've been sick
I feel ignored!
Narcis????!!!!!
May 2nd
O people! Verily, I am your great God,
God of heavens and earth, God of east and west, the One whose Hand of Wisdom is the dominion of your world, and the One who is able to do anything. The Creator when whose will commands to anything stating: "Be", immediately it comes to existence.
And most of you people are not aware of this fact, and do not know your God well. You are so much involved with your worldly life and so much wandered after your far dreams and so empty of the meaning of being a human that you don’t recognize your image in the mirror. Where did you come from? What for you came in this world? And where are you going at last?
More astray than animals, you are so busy grazing in your animality. And so childly like children, among your various playthings, you are so used to your ignorance. Some of you are giving an exam, thinking of the cake and fruit juice you'll be offered, or perhaps your eyes are looking after other's shares. And some, a little farther, are fast asleep. But soon enough the angle of death will proclaim: the time is over!
Do not always go after best grades! (There are more important things in life)
Your life smacks of guns and wars, novels of bombs and kids, and stories of roofs and ruins.
Your life is filled with cruelty, lies, rancour, hypocrisy, deceit, distrust, and betraying of God.
When a misfortune touches you, to Me you seek refuge invokingly. But once I removed the harm from you, you set yourselves free of Me.
When you are saying prayers, I listen to you as if you were the only creature I've ever had. But to you it's as if you had several gods!
You are so proud of your little knowledge, while your ignorance is much more than what you know. When a disaster falls upon you, you say: "it's from God". But if you achieve a success, you say with pride: "I have done it on my own!" I am never cruel to you, but this is you who do wrong to yourselves.
O people! Verily, I am your great God,
And The absolute Knower of unseen and the visible. I see all your faults at any moments. Do not you know that I observe? But I am also the One who glosses over men's fault.
Would you like Me to upload these filthy scenes in the net of other's gaze? Why do you behave like this? Why don't you let the absolute knower of the secrets and the visible, the one who is aware of your hearts, judge what's true? Woe to you!
Be aware that I have pronounced the Ultimatum; I sent you messengers from among yourselves to guide you but yet a few of you believe. I need neither your belief nor your heresy, so think of yourself (whatever you do either avails or harms only you and not Me).
My promise will be surly fulfilled and soon enough you will meet with your Account. On that Day, every one's deeds will become manifest in front of them and that alone suffices to judge.
If it wasn't for the prayers of some chosen men in your time, and if it wasn't for a few piouses among you, who are like the firm pillars of your world, a painful Torment would fall upon all of you!
You will be respited till the Day of Doom. Till then perhaps you will be guided to the Straight Path and return to His way who is the most Merciful, to those who earn their way to their Lord's good Graces.
Your Great God
Translated by Narcis April 29th