Its yasamin's second birthday tomorrow. And I'm aging. I'm a simple 24 year old mother. I'm nothing. Or maybe I'm just a simple English teacher at some institutes with no remarkable salary which I receive at the end of the term. I'm disappointed. It's not what I wanted of me to be. It's not what I wanted for me. I'm all disappointed. I don’t paint. I scarcely play the piano since I don’t have time for that. All my life is like working and working and gaining almost nothing. I'm tired of working inside and outside with no help from nobody. I'm breaking down under all the pressure I feel on me. And I'm still alone. I'm no body. I'm no body. I'm no body. I've had big dreams for me which I wish I had never wished for them. If I had never desired big things for me, I wouldn’t have been so hapless now. I feel empty inside and at the same time I feel so much inside me; so much hatred and anger that is killing me inside. All I feel now is hatred for the job I have. Being a stupid teacher with no great salary wasn't exactly I've wished for. This damn job has affected all my life, I have no time for myself, not so much time to do the house chores, not so much energy to spend with my baby. And all I receive is nothing comparing to what I do. I'm sick and tired to death of being an English teacher. Maybe I should have chosen another field at university. Maybe I should have gone after art like painting. At least I wouldn’t be disappointed as much as I am now. God, I'm tired of thinking what I was born to do. I'm tired of thinking of the plan I thought you had for me. I don’t wanna think anymore. I don’t wanna have any dreams for me any more. And still I'm not going after art, either. I will continue this damn boring life till the day I'll die.
Narcis
سلام [زبان]
من چند باز از وب شما دیدن کردم اما شما اصلا به من سر نزدین [تشویش]
ممنون میشم از وب من هم دیدن کنید [خجالت]
راستی من رو هم لینک کنید ...
منتظرت هستم ... بیایی ها ... [نیشخند][چشمک][بوسه]
dearest Narcis,
THIS IS exactly d same feeling I have now except that at least you are working, doing sth and I am not!
Being and English teacher is a funny thing here in the country I am living! they speak English better than I do!
I badly regret what I studied at university and hey you are one step forward because you didn't study M.A in this field and have not wasted that time and energy I did!
The situation you have is with everybody , all your frineds around you. I suppose it is not yet late to go back and choose sth that interests you, studying English Literature has changed our way of thinking about life,, maybe it was worth doing it!
I am also chaning my major, but it's hardly possible here, dono what to do yet.
but don't worry, you have done alot in ur life, and can do much more because you have both the capabilities and facilities
Happy Birthday to cuteeeeee Yasamin, kiss her for me, and smile :* :X hugs and kisses
سلام سیسی جونم خوبی؟
دلم واست تنگ شده بود خیلییییییییییییییییییییی
دوست دارم هزاتا ماچ ماچ ماچ
Dear Narcis,
It's been long, I used to blog in My-whispers
this last post of yours is a bit pretty much in the past
I just hope you're ok and Yasamin must be so cute now
I've become an English teacher as well, well unlike you and Atefe, whose comment I just read, I love this job
well it's just the matter of tastes I guess
well I hope you start writing again coz there are many out there like me who love reading your posts
I'll be waiting for a new post, and let me know when my order's ready ;)
take good care