a short letter to my father

My dearest father,

It's the father's day tomorrow…as other girls are happy buying gifts for their fathers, I'm mournful for your loss as if I've lost you yesterday. I wish I could have bought you a gift. I wish I could have hugged and kissed you and told you "happy father's day to the best father in the whole world."

Oh, how I miss you! Why can't I get rid of this pain? How long? How long am I gonna suffer for your loss? I can't take it, daddy. Why don’t I have you with me? Why did you go to the front? Did you ask me if I liked you to go? No, you didn't. After all you couldn't have asked an eighteen month old girl if she desired to be an orphan!

I went shopping today, you know. But I couldn’t find any thing for you in the market.  Nothing seemed to be good for you. What girls buy for their father on the father's day in Heaven?

We're going on a trip to Ghom in less than three hours. I haven’t packed our stuff yet. I don’t feel like going. Hubby has gone out to have the car ready for our trip. So I could at least get the chance to write you this. This is the only thing I can do for you for the father's day. I'm sorry that I couldn’t do anything more than that. I wish I could have.

You see how sad it is, I couldn’t buy you any presents, I can't even visit you (your grave) tomorrow. Well, that happens when you don’t have a father.

I have told God that I don’t wanna live much long in this world because it's so hard to live in here. Resisting all the temptations of this world demands a strong soul; something I lack. I want to stay pure so that I can be with you in Heaven. But I know I don’t have a pure soul. What if Lord sends me to Hell? If he does so, will you come to Hell to be with me?? No, I don't think so, I know you won't. You never come to my dreams while you know how I crave for you. So how can I expect you to tolerate the free flame of fire for me, for you sinful daughter? No, I won't expect that from you as I don’t expect you to come to my dreams.

I'm not feeling well. I wish I could talk about you with some one. I don’t expect to find anyone to talk, either.

Your lonely daughter,

Narcis