i was not allowed

May 17^th, Thursday, 11 pm:

 I'm still at home!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I can't tell you how I hate hubby now!!

I hate him with all my heart!! 

You see, it's men's natureè you give yourself to him with all your heart and he thinks once he wins you , you are his poppet that can be moved around easily, you are his, your destiny is in his hands, your every being is depended on one single breath of his!!!!! And once you're his, you are not yours any more!!!

I hate him!

I'm so mad at him that I can stab him with a knife a thousand times!!!

Him: "what? The "hana bandan" party and wedding are both in Sari?? I can't take you there, I have work tonight and also tomorrow…no, you can't go by yourself…ok you can go tonight, but not tomorrow"

Me: "I'll go to none, happy now??"

Some minutes later……………..me -> locked my self in the bath room, I cried my eyes out.

I can't believe it. I was all ready to go to the wedding. I even had my new shoes on. I bought a new scarf and lots of other stuff for tonight. I can't believe it happened again. How long I'm gonna take it?! 

Lord, are you with men????? Aren't you with us????

Lord, I need some joy, I swear I need it. How is it possible that a husband can have absolutely no understanding of his lonely wife??!!

I'm going crazy here

May 18^th, Friday afternoon, 3:10:

I didn't go today either. Mom called several times: "your friend expects you in her wedding; your husband didn't mean that you shouldn't go at all…come on sweaty…… "

Me: "I can't go mom, I don't have the mood or the energy to get out of this bed…he knows too well how to destroy happiness in me, or how to spoil every single joy I love to have………"

Mom: "forget about him, call a taxi and go to the wedding today"

Me: "I can't go, mom".

My face is so puffy, mom, I cried a lot last night, how can I tell you this?

Narcis